The inner most deep dark dirty and yucky thoughts of the one, the only... Scott

1:16AM

 I really just want to... leave

I can't handle this anymore... I wish that I could just disappear

I'm so sick and tired of feeling like I dont even matter because my stupid friends apparently dont think that I am good enough to hang out

I miss being happy

12:25AM - Fuck

My computer crashed....

2:32PM

I  am sooo fucking over being made fun of, being talked over and interuptered all the damn time and being treated like I am not good enough to be in the same room as you and leaving the room feeling worse about myself than when I went into the room!
This is bullshit
FUCK THIS!

Current mood: pissed off

1:00PM

Hurray!

I took longer getting ready than I planned for myself which means that I missed Dillon's devotional thing... darn...
Lunch was halfway decent and I sat accross from SUE SORENSON!!!
I almost peed my pants right then and there when she sat down!!!
Annalee you know what I'm talking about ;)
YAY Life!

12:59PM

Good News !

So I went and talked to Tim today
He explained the reasoning for having girls on my floor and having 4 guys other than me be on there and everything... stupid reasoning but whatever...
They want to be able to rent out the rooms to make money for the school and everything - which is gay 
But oh well I am going to be meshing floors with Raphael I'm pretty sure so says Tim and that makes me happy

Now I am sitting and eating a Wonderbar, Drinking Diet Coke, and talking to Nancy and Annalee who just came!!!
Life is good

1:00AM - Muffins Storms and Spiders

So I worked 11-7 today
Then I was supposed to go running with Shelley
But then she texted me and said that she felt lazy and she didn't want to to that any more
So I decided to call Michelle because I haven't seen her in a while
So we went to Wal*Mart to get a key copied and to buy Cigarettes for Steven
Key maker guy wasn't there... poo....
But we bought muffin mix and decided to make muffins!!!
... Because that is the same thing and getting a key made.... right

Then as we walked out of Wal*Mart it started to sprinkle and we got excited because we both LOVE storms!!!
Get in the car... windshield wipers dont really work... lol damn it!
Get back to her apartment and decide to make the muffins

Storm starts in so we bring in the chair that they have outside because the wind is REALLY strong!
Well... I guess a spider had decided to take refuge from the storm on Mr. Chair... so when I set it down the spider fell
I see it RIGHT next to Michelle's foot and I freak out and just say
"Michelle... just stomp... dont look down... just stomp!!!"
She looks down 
SCREAMS!!!!
And freaks out...
So I try - opportune word being try there kids - to be the man and squash the spider
Doesn't work...
I start screaming and we have to wake up her boyfriend to kill the spider
James saves the DAY!!!

Then we watched Deal or No Deal and ate Chocolate Chip muffins
lol
Oh man...

3:20AM - I need to bitch for just a lil bit

I love my friends here
I love my friends at CMU
I wish that everyone lived around me
Because I firmly believe that though the world does not revolve around me... it should!

I just talked to my mom and she told me that she was getting transfered to a different McDonalds (we work togethere at Morton McDonalds)
It would be another promotion for her
It would also be really goot for her
But shes sad
I dont like it when she's upset... so now I am upset
For some reason I knew that something was going to happen today
There was something in the air... or the energy of the store... it just didn't feel right all day
Then... all the sudden I was in a really pissy mood and just wanted to leave... then I found out that it was about that time that Scott Sheets (the supervisor of our district) told Scott Buffington (my store manager) that they were transfering my mom from Morton to Washington on Saturday
Then for some reason right after my mom got there I was in such a horrible mood that I could hardly see straight
Thats when they told her
Also, when they told Michelle (one of my best friends there) that they were thansfering her to Chillicothy
I'm really kind of pissed
This summer at work is going to blow (not that it wouldn't've already
I like working with my mom... its pretty much the only time I get to see her
FUCK... Boo Urns I dont like this game anymore
I hate change! Stupid McDonalds

My work uniform is in the washer...
It's 3;27
I have to work at 8 which means I have to leave at 7:30 and wake up at 6:45

I saw the Invisible tonight
I really didn't like it all that much
It was ok... I didn't NOT like it
I just didn't like it... if that makes sense

I get to hang out with Cam tomorrow YAY 
I got to hang out with Gayle today! YAY (and Linda and Michelle and James and Kert)

3:29PM

Becky
Annalee
Jen
Peepshow
Caryn 
Nancy

... more people to be sad about not being able to see for 4 whole months

3:58PM

Lyndsey is offically gone
My last week at CMU has officially started
My last official exam is over with
I've officially started writing all my letters that I'm writing to my friends here at CMU
I'm officially depressed


Yesterday was such an awesome day
But I was so depressed the entire day
I played Ultimate Frisbee for like an hour and a half with a ton of my favourite people - Which equals exercise!!! (and awesome memories and people)
Then we all walked to Sgt. Sundaes and got Ice Cream
Then we got back... and I went to my room because everybody is studying
I packed some stuff and got it into storage
Went to Osbourne with Karmyn and Brynne and got fries and Fried Mars bars...
Then I got back and went to bed... at 8 o'clock in the evening!!!
That is like a record!!!  
I haven't done that since I was like 11
I slept until 1 in the morning (because I meant to just take a nap)
Then I watched part of Phantom of the Opera... then got bored and just laid there until 4 when I finally fell back asleep
Then I woke up at 10:30
I needed the sleep
I was over tired and really REALLY depressed yesterday and I think thats what I needed

8:39PM - Today rocked!

I got to shower in New Rez in Josh's room
I got 2 exams out of the way and I think that I did well on both of them
I am hanging out with 3 of my favourite people tonight
I only  have one exam left to study for... HURRAY!!
I get to stay up late and sleep in tomorrow

11:44AM

Today is going to be a bad day...

Woke up late-ish because I was planning on trying to study a little more for english and instead my body was like "NO... SLEEP!!!"
So then I try to get into the shower but I cant because as I walk into the bathroom there is a lovely sign
"Serwer Emergency!!!"
Blah blah blah about water not working until after supper
I was like WTF!!!?!??!?!?!?
So I am sitting here...
I smell bad... and my teeth feel gross because I can't brush them
I hate this building!
This is the third time it has done this!!!

3:02AM - My extrememly long... yet extremely interesting future plans

Ok so... the other day I was doing work for my Youth Ministry class (journaling and such) and I was writing about my future and what I want to do a stuff like that.  I was very excited because as I was writting... things just CAME OUT! Like... I dont even know how to explain it other that saying that it was God...

These are some things that I've put into prayerful thought and consideration

If all goes as planned (which... we'll see)
I will be getting my 3-year Bachelor's degree in Church Ministry/Youth Ministry from Canadian Mennonite University
After this I want to go to Korea with a program called Connexus (http://www.connexus.co.kr/english/) working with the Korean Anabaptist Center and teach english to people in Korea

Connexus -
Connexus will pay for all expenses while I am there including, Round-trip plane ticket, I'd be living with a host family, food, insurance, etc.
The only thing that I would actually have to pay for would be souveniers and if I wanted to go anything like traveling or something like that
PLUS I would also be getting a salary!
Sounds perfect to me!
PLUS!!! I was talking to Cody (awesome guy) about my plans tonight and he said that he was actually really interesting in doing something like that so I might be able to get to go there WITH HIM!
The only down side is that I would be in Korea for 12 months (either May-May, June to June etc. I was thinking Julyish maybe) minus a 2 week vacation

After Korea I am thinking about taking a year off
My plans are...
1. Work with Door over the school year and then into the summer (I COULD GO TO HOLLYWOOD!!!! Or more likely Chicago because it is real close to home)
2. Start getting more into youth ministry during the school year (possibly with the Hopedale MYF or another group near home and then going to work with DOOR as a support staff member in June and July (or not at all for that matter, lol)

DOOR - http://www.doornetwork.org/
I have to pay money to be a part of it... I get free food and board and all that stuff but I have to pay to get in and wouldn't be getting money, but I would be getting AWESOME experiences AND experience for the next part of my plan!

After DOOR/Youth Group
Working with a program called Outtatown out of CMU
So many of my friends here have done Outtatown and they are telling me how awesome it is
I will most likely be too old, by the time I am done with all this, to be a participant in Outtatown so.... why not be a leader!?!?!

Outtatown - http://www.outtatown.com/staff/become-staff.php
I would be traveling around Canada for 3 1/2 months with 30-35 students and 3 other leaders
We would be working with camps and organizations and doing volunteer work and other things like that
Then after a month long break from Dec-Jan I would be going to South Africa (HOPEFULLY!!!) or Guatamala for 3 1/2 months with the same people helping out with the poor and doing so many amazing things!!!

Outtatown would be providing a salary (including the months during summer... sweet!) food, lodging... all that stuff, AMAZING experiences! and SOOO much more

HOLY CRAP!!!
I am so excited and I would LOVE it sooo much if all this worked out and I got to do everything on my plan
I think that after all of this though (I will be like 25... holy...) I will be spending a LOT of time at home, both in the U.S. and in my own actual HOME

If you are reading this I would really appreciate any prayers on this topic that you could send my way :)
Pray that this would actually be from God and not just me being stupid and having too much of an imagination

Love you all!
Scott

Why are all of my blogs either non-existant or FREAKING LONG? LOL
If you've gotten this far... sorry it is so long... I get wordy when I'm excited

4:56PM - A pretty darn good monday

Life is pretty darn good... at least I'm pleased with it

I get to go home over reading week (from like February 8th to the 17th or so)
I am REALLY EXCITED about that
The only reason that I really wanted to stay here is so that I can hang out with people that I dont already hang out with on a regular basis (and my good friends of course) and stuff...
But... Justin, Jaron, Janna, Rachel and a bunch of other people are going to be gone on the choir tour and that is ALL of break
Annalee is going home (I think)
Becky might be going home - either that or her mom is coming here
Peepshow and I think Dookhie will still be here
Tyler Josh and Cody will probably still be here too...
But I want to go home sooo badly!!!

I'm pumped
Sleepovers with Michelle (because she is living in my room now that I'm gone... and she is one of my bestest friends ever LOL)
Parties (I hope)
Seeing soooo many people!
This will be the craziest people filled week ever!!!
I HAVE to make time too see all the people that I didn't get to see when I was home over Christmas
Ciara - a must!
Kelsey
Kristee
Kyle (more at least that is)
Heather
Jessy - Definite sexy muffin must (will she be home? I hope!)
and the list goes on...

Time for a (hopefully good) supper to bring to an end to a great day

3:42PM - LOL

I got this from a thing on MSN
It just like... made my day!!! HAHA Oh man
It was this thing about like... 5 things that will make you live longer
This tickled me
Oh man I laughed so hard when I read this
I hope you enjoy
This is number 5 by the way


That's part of the issue with sex. Why the hell do you have sex besides having to procreate? First of all, sex is a survival tool. Sure, we're all busy, but there are compelling health reasons to do it, and do it often: Men who have sex 116 times a year live 1.6 years longer than those who hit the national average of 58 times a year. (Guys who do it 350 times per annum -- admittedly a heroic accomplishment -- should live an average of eight years longer.) But there's also the fact that, for most of us, orgasm is the closest we get to God. It's our Zen experience. Everything disappears, and it's all bliss. That's why meaningful sexual relationships are so critical.

11:13PM

Ok so...

Why is it that all my life I have heard - "You are too good of a friend to date"
All of my female friends have told me that I am "such an awesome friend!" and that I will "Make such an awesome girl the happiest girl alive!"
Why can't I ever be that guy for one of them?
I have heard that so many times!
It makes me really sad because I have had friends that have told other of our friends and then they end up dating or fooling around with them... Why do i never get exceptions made for me?
What's wrong with me?

I'm not depressed or being emo sometimes I just want to know why I am such a good friend and that I am never good enough to be a boyfriend

2:52AM

So the passed few days have totally SUCKED!!!
They basically consisted of me sitting in my room by myself and watching the OC and Smallville
However,
I was able to talk to Becky and get a bunch of stuff off my chest and it was really awesome


So I was got to go to a Casino (I lost 15 dollars on the slot machines)
Then after that we went to a club called the O.C. (Off-Campus) and it was a total Sketch hole!
There were like gross people there impregnating each other on the CROWDED dance floor
In the bathrooms their was pee ALL over the floor and the seats of the toilet and it was SOOO gross
HOWEVER I got to dance my troubles away
It was so much fun because it was exactly what I needed
It was so nice to just get off campus and have a good time for once
This is my good buddy Tyler

He and my other friend Dookhie

Both held me down in Tyler's room in between his desk and a chair and gave me a huge sloppy hickey... I feel so violated!! LOL
That has been an odd thing to have to explain to people
Today and yesterday were pretty good
I really like being happy again

7:03PM

I feel that there is a definate need for change
I think that I want to do something semidrastic to my hair
Something new and cool and...
I don't know

I give up

2:52PM - I just got a letter... Wonder who it's from (blues clues)

I just went and got my mail and guess what was in it!!!!
I got a letter from Ciara Natosh Mowder!!!!

I was so excited!!!
Almost as excited as when I got a letter from Jessy which almost made me piddle

I love letters because they are so freaking amazing!!!

I have been pretty darn good lately
I can't really complain all that much
Becky left for Thanksgiving (which is on Monday... Crazy Canadians...) She won't be back until Tuesday evening
Becky lives in Ontario like... half and hour away from Toronto and like maybe 10 minutes away from Niagra Falls!!!! I am going to go visit her this summer and I CAN'T WAIT!!!!

I think that some of my friends from here are going to a gay bar tomorrow... I laughed in their faces when they said that.  
But I guess I might as well go... it will  be incredible WIERD!!!!  But I figure it might be fun tryign to see if I can get guys to buy me drinks... lol oh man do I have a story!
I went to a club last weekend TYC (Tiawana Yacht Club) and we were hanging out and having a good time
Becky Laura Megan Jayme and me
Jayme and Becky were dancing and they found some guys and the guys (were really creepy!!!! and 27!!!)
These guys like bought them drinks and then bought megan and Laura drinks too and it was INSANE!!
Then they paid for our cab to go home
Cool but.. I was afraid of one of them getting like date rapped or something
That night though I was sitting at our table by myself and my friend Alex from school came up to me and gave me a hug and asked if I wanted to get drinks
I told her I didnt have any money so she went and convinced some guy to buy "her friend" a drink
The guy thought that her friend was a girl... and thought that he might be getting some so he bought "her" something but alas... it was for me BWA HA HAHA!!!

I wish I had that power!!!

Oh well...

I miss everybody
See  you soon

11:06AM

My mailing address is

Scott Litwiller
500 Shaftesbusy Blvd.
Winnipeg, Man
R3P 2N2

send me mail or DIE bitches!!!!  
P.S. you have to get a special stamp because mailing is stupid but it's only like 68 cents so... it's not that bad

1:03PM

Wow

Cardio Salsa dancing = Perfection